1. |
A Fifth Avenue Christmas
03:01
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First the crowded stores
Become the empty streets
A dusting snow
Crunching under feet
With fashion as our guide
Skating side to side
Slush and through snow
Gazing at shop windows
Fantastical worlds
Through space and time
Diamonds and emeralds
Wintertime
No need to buy
Or clothing to try
Laughter shared
Makes us millionaires
A Fifth Avenue Christmas
Is always on my wish list
I imagine it’s mine
I feel divine
A Fifth Avenue Christmas
Look around
Those who gather
The people of New York
Don’t need to be an Astor
A Vanderbilt, Carnegie
Politician
Sipping martinis
With reckless abandon
A Fifth Avenue Christmas
Is always on my wish list
I imagine it’s mine
I feel divine
A Fifth Avenue Christmas
On Cartier
On Van Cleef
Arpels
On Tiffany’s
On Saks
On Barneys
On Bergdorf
And Bloomie’s
In old NYC
Give us a fantasy
A life that could be
With unlimited money
Glitz and glamor
Is what we’re after
If we miss it
You owe us a visit
The Rockefeller
Christmas Tree
It’s glittery
For you and me
We count on you
To make us happy
Dress those windows
And make it snappy!
A Fifth Avenue Christmas
Is always on my wish list
I imagine it’s mine
I feel divine
Every year a change
Tacky or strange
A Fifth Avenue Christmas
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2. |
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I don’t have ornaments
Stars or stockings
Advent calendar
Present unboxings
I don’t have Nativity figurines
But I do have electricity!
I got it a timer
It already has lights
I love to watch it
Turn on at night
My little purple tinsel tree
The first I ever had
It’s completely new to me
That Christmas isn’t bad!
I covered my tree
In all my jewelry
Folded stars
And origami
Had a party with my friends
It was very merry time well spent
I never thought
It could be for me!
No more
Christmas jealousy!
My little purple tinsel tree
The first I ever had
It’s completely new to me
That Christmas isn’t bad!
It’s a bummer
To feel outnumbered
Bitter like Scrooge
There’s no refuge!
Suddenly...
A ghost said, hey!
What if it’s yours?
Who says you can’t?
It’s warm indoors
I couldn’t hide
I didn’t want to run
I’ll give it a try
Let’s have some fun!
My little purple tinsel tree
The first I ever had
It’s completely new to me
That Christmas isn’t bad!
And under the tree
Santa left for me
What was on my list
My first little Christmas!
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3. |
Bring Back Jesus
03:49
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There’s a culture war
Here’s the score:
They want our guns
They want our Lord
They’re coming for Christmas
They’re coming for you
Us good little Christians
We know what to do
We pray, we believe,
And so do you
We’re gonna bring back Jesus
And Merry Christmas too
America’s lost
On a road trip
We left behind Jesus
Like Mary and Joseph
They forgot Him
At the pilgrimage
No more
Forgetting the Lord
We won’t make
The same mistake
We’re gonna bring back Jesus
And Merry Christmas too
They wanna take baby Jesus
Right out of the manger
Those socialists
Rewriting scripture
They say Joseph wanted
A prenup divorce
Sacrificed animals
Mistrusted the Lord
Next thing, our flag
Ain’t red, white, and blue
We’re gonna bring back Jesus
And Merry Christmas too
They want to make it
An atheist holiday
With kooky rituals
But it’s Jesus’s birthday
Worshipping trees
Dancin’ ‘round fires
Dark-sided Saturn
And the moon and the stars
Chanting by candlelight
At unholy midnight
In our own churches
Don’t believe their curses
Singing ‘bout wizards
Who fly around with deer
With horns and antlers
Leavin’ evil souvenirs
I love God
As much as you
We’re taking our Lord back
From all of you!
They’ll take your lights
And take your rights
God told us to celebrate
Gonna do it right
No “Happy Holidays”
Or “Season’s Greetings”
Ambiguous coffee cups
Or not believin’
Nobody will dare
Cancel you
Our Lord, our Savior,
Our only truth
He’s here to save
All of you
Except for you,
and you, and you
So welcome back Jesus
And Merry Christmas
Happy New Year too
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4. |
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It’s me, I’m Santa
It’s really true
I’ve come all this way
With gifts for you
Gee, Mr. Claus
Can I ask a question?
On Christmas Eve
Do the elves give you presents?
They’re in a union
Went on strike
They really hate me
But you like me, right?
Uh...
I need love
I need approval
Your validation
Is crucial
Tell Santa what you see
Do you believe in me?
Uh, I guess so?
I wanna know
About the North Pole
Is it always
Super cold?
It’s my graveyard
And my coffin
There’s no way out
I think of it often
But about tonight
You’re having fun!
You think I’m the best?
Maybe number one?
Um, uh, I don’t know
Sometimes I doubt
Do I even exist?
Do I make a sound
In that Arctic Forest?
I just want hugs
Adoration and love
The kind you get
From the big guy above
Who will love me
Just as I am?
Am I good enough?
Do you understand?
I’m gonna go to bed now, Santa
You called me Santa! I do exist! Tell me, do you love me?
Uh, what?
I need love
I need approval
Your validation
Is crucial
Tell Santa what you see
Will you always believe in me?
I don’t know, man, this was a lot.
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5. |
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Christmas
We’ve been friends a long time
You represent in my mind
The kind of person who’s right for me
The kind of song I wanna sing
This Christmas
My only wish
Is for your kiss
Am I naughty or nice?
You can find out tonight
We go together like fire and ice
You melt my heart and make me smile
This Christmas
My only wish
Is for your kiss
I’ve waited forever
For the right weather
The perfect day
But I was afraid
Let’s not waste time
Don’t make me wait
Being your valentine
Is way too late
I have to know
Is this for real?
Do you feel
The way I feel?
This Christmas
My only wish
Is for your kiss
Christmas
Christmas
With me
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6. |
The Office Holiday Party
02:39
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I’m gonna smash it up
At the Christmas party
I’m gonna make new friends
At the Christmas party
I’m gonna eat some cookies
Try not to hide
On the floor of the bathroom
Curled up in a ball
Not this year!
How can I hide from my boss?
Now I’m here, have to talk
To people I hate
It’s hard to relate
The office holiday party
It’s totally awkward
The Christmas party
To make conversation
At the Christmas party
Everyone’s so drunk
There’s not enough food
The potluck sucked
Sugar-free desserts!
How can I hide from my boss?
Now I’m here, have to talk
To people I hate
It’s hard to relate
The office holiday party
Why can’t I be on vacation?
It’s hard to find motivation
‘Cause I’m not getting paid
I’m not getting laid
I have to work tomorrow
On Christmas Eve
I get minimum wage
I know the CEO’s pay
A couple million
And I barely make rent
But I have to smile
Because he likes my dress
I went down to his office
The computer was signed in
Just a few password resets
I liquidated his assets
Who’s the boss now?
The office holiday party
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7. |
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Silent night
Boring night
Everything closed
All damn night
None of my friends want to go out
What the (bleep) is that all about
Christmas sucks for the Jews
Christmas sucks for the Jews
Why don’t we
See a movie
Oh, wait you can’t?
Of course you can’t
You’re on a cruise
He’s back home
They’re with their family
Won’t check their phone
Christmas sucks for the Jews
Christmas sucks for the Jews
What should I eat?
Where can I go?
Is Whole Foods open?
I don’t know
I hear bells
Oh, it’s my boss
Can you work?
No, I have a cough
I need a break too
Jews need a break too
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8. |
Revenge of the Trees
03:13
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They want me gone
But I’m here to stay
Abandoned out here
Since Christmas day
I’m shriveled up
Dry as a bone
No garbage truck
No tombstone
Balding and bare
Blocking your stairs
Instilling fear
In all who walk near
I haunt your dreams
I hear your screams
It sounds so sweet
Revenge of the trees
You had me at
Tinsel and lights
Now you can have me
At my knife fights
I’m a street punk
With a gang of rats
Ready to jump
Ready to attack
You try to forget me
But I’m Machiavelli
The prince of snakes
I do what it takes
I haunt your dreams
I hear your screams
It sounds so sweet
Revenge of the trees
I’m an evergreen
From the guillotine
And I’ll light you up
Like gasoline
I’m dangerously dry
So now you’ll die
It’s the end of days
I set myself ablaze
Getting hot in here?
You left me for dead
Now it’s your turn
Happy Christmas
It’s time to burn
I haunt your dreams
I hear your screams
It sounds so sweet
Revenge of the trees
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9. |
Only One Day
04:31
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To those who can’t celebrate
Don’t have a home to decorate
Who have many a wish
But not many gifts
Who can’t be jolly
Only melancholy
To those without hope
Just a lump in their throat
I wish you hope
I wish you courage
I wish you happiness
On your voyage
I believe it’s true
And I believe in you
I hope that you can get
The help that you really need
And if someone offers
I hope that you see
This holiday
Is coming your way
If you’re not merry
It’s only one day
I wish you hope
I wish you courage
I wish you happiness
On your voyage
I believe it’s true
And I believe in you
You’re out of practice
But there’s a smile in you
And a laugh in there too
There’s strength within you
that you don’t even know
One day you’ll wake up
And you’ll know where to go
And what to do
I see you crying
Just keep trying
Don’t give up
The door’s not shut
I know exactly where you are
And who you want to be
Because at one time
You were me
I wish you hope
I wish you courage
I wish you happiness
On your voyage
I believe it’s true
And I see you
And I believe in you
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10. |
A Very Roxie Christmas
01:29
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Hello, I’m Roxie Maisel.
I want to thank you for listening to my album, which I have been working on for a very, very long time.
If I’ve learned anything from creating these songs, it’s that the true meaning of Christmas is really up to each and every one of us.
I want to thank everyone who supported me and helped me along the way.
I especially want to thank me, myself, and I.
We worked so hard together, and we had a lot of fun too.
I would be remiss if I didn’t thank you, my number-one fan, for joining in my holiday celebration.
This album is my Christmas gift to you!
I hope you will share it with all your friends, because I want them to be happy too.
I wish you A Very Roxie Christmas, the happiest of holidays, and a fabulous New Year.
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